Introduction

I think it was in the year before last, somehow around Corona, when a very good friend of mine was complaining about the world itself and how people (women) are making money in the meantime. On Only Friends, there were probably women, very young things, who were earning huge sums of money. He spoke of "several million a year", just like that, only through payment-barrier-reinforced offers of naked skin. As simple as that.

Excursus

First of all: payment barriers, hmm, how can you imagine that?

Well, let's imagine we're boys again, and the Kai-Uwe next door has an older, but still very, very young sister. Let's call her "Lolita" here. And sister Lolita, Kai-Uwe lets us inquisitive people know, is the one who sleeps quite naked. The topic would then go viral in our teenage peer group, so to speak. And then, at some point, Kai-Uwe would let us / certain friends / the boys from the street / whoever else take a bold peek through the keyhole of Lolita's girl's room, accepting a small fee in advance (we're in the mid to upper coin range).

Later on, Lolita herself would have invited the adolescent gentlemen into her little room as well - with the prior acceptance of medium fees (always notes, never coins). Just to look, of course. Or maybe even to touch them briefly (upper arm). That's how it works. And that's how it goes on, of course.
What happened to Kai-Uwe, the nobody, and sister Lolita, the flitter, in the end is not the point here, I just wanted to explain the principle.

So & anyway, the story of how very young things on the Internet are now earning huge sums of money through this payment-restricted skin had spontaneously aroused my interest.

And for various reasons.

Firstly:

Easy money, easy to earn, that's always been something I'm very, very passionate about. By "easy money" I of course mean notes, banknotes, euros, USD and British pounds, which even in bundles hardly weigh anything and represent a sufficient, reliable value, as they do not melt away directly in the sunlight of inflation (nix rouble, nix Turkish lira & nix Chinese rempler ("RenminBi").

Even viral money goes, which is completely weightless.

Small coins, pennies and so on, on the other hand, that's not easy money - and bending down for it, no, that's never been my thing.
And yes, even if I'm more like Kai-Uwe than Lolita when it comes to what I do, i.e. in terms of the basic business and monetisation model (spinkse above), in terms of value I'm of course only on a par with her and not with him.

Secondly:

Nacky skin - in connection with the expression of which body it tightly encircles** - that is something that, I have to admit - depending on the accompanying circumstances and the form of the day - can definitely act as a "trigger" for me.

I really don't know why that was and is the case and, yes, I'm ashamed of it too. But talking about it so openly with you all here and now, well, that's also a bit of therapy for me.

I digress.

Thirdly:

The third thing now is that I've messed up my Facebook account, so I don't know how to get in there anymore. And I used to troll on Sundays when I was bored. I used to play funny pranks on other people on this social platform. Now all I have left to do is read, paint, make pottery, make preserves, guess animals - or go back to the internet, but without Facebook.

In Medias Res: Off to the OnlyFans rich bitch community

So I created an account. I had the AI take a nice profile photo, as I didn't want to appear there with my own face (keyword: bare skin). I chose a typical representative, as I imagined, who would represent the customer side of the platform worthily.

First wrong turn

Unfortunately, I didn't quite understand something. It's not called "Only Friends", but "Only Fans", where you're supposed to earn so much money. My first attempts on "Only Friends" were accordingly unsuccessful. I wandered around and only found a few others who were mainly asking each other where the bare skin was.

At the destination (insider report, the VEB uncovers...)

The mistake was quickly corrected and I was finally able to register with Only Fans on presentation of my visa (fake) and my credit card (real).

It is indeed as I thought it would be. For each topic there is a representation of its own kind.

You want to know something about pizza ?
No problem, girls with big boobs make, yummi yummi, delicious pizza. You want to know about beer ? Girls with big boobs drink beer. Topic chess? Girls with big boobs duel on the chessboard.

Here's an example, I think it was about... I can't remember.

But there it is again, the view into the bedroom of a Lolita. And no Kai-Uwe far and wide. What's more - I'm sure you recognised it right away - this sister doesn't have exceptionally big boobs.

But, as we know, the "Lolita style" has always been characterised worldwide - including here, in the middle of Germany - by the fact that it can also, in fact just with the smallest hints in the upper chest and breasts area.

The crowning glory: $45,000,000 EBITDA p.A. and farts in a jar for 913.69 Eur

It was Der Spiegel that pondered the business model of an artist in a nice article. Amouranth, that's her name, and she comes from beautiful Texas. A region where we might well expect to find a saloon where some Calamity Jane is driving the local cowherds out of their minds and their weekly wages. But this one is one or two sizes bigger.
I'll link HERE the article, but beware, it's - I think - behind a, well, paywall.

"Being insulted as a profession", wrote the good girl, is what she was doing.

I think there's a lot of truth in that, and I'd like to hold out my warning finger to the youth of today. Do a proper apprenticeship, become a carpenter, joiner, bakery salesperson, release manager - whatever, but please, please don't take the wrong career path to becoming an "insulted person m/f/d"!

For $999.99 each, Amouranth has already sold farts in jars [...] In a recent interview, the streamer said that Polish brewery "The Order Of Yoni" was working on a beer brewed with bacteria from her vaginal secretions.

We'll leave the beer with vaginal secretions (gag! gag! gag!) out of this. You know I'm a brewer and a connoisseur of good beers. And, yes, yes, I have tasted one or two beers where, just after the juice of the barley had run down my throat, a creeping suspicion that this brew could only have been made in this or a similar way remained as a buttery, sour mouthfeel. Mostly btw. in Cologne, in case anyone is interested.

No, it's the farts in the glass that won't let the torrent of my thoughts come to rest.
You have to realise that the returns issue is one of the biggest challenges, especially in online retail. Now I ask myself how Anality Amouranth and her team will have solved this.

After all, as commercial(!) traders of farts in jars, they will probably not be able to rule out the return of ordered goods in general.

And there are now those who may have ordered one, two or even five of these jars prematurely, or out of a certain fleeting emotion, and then reconsidered their purchase decision when they saw their credit card statement. That's one thing.

The other is perhaps the rags who intend from the outset to get their money's worth here for nothing. Who says that the glass of the returned farts was not opened beforehand? And whether the fart inside is possibly just a crude forgery, spouted from the unsightly buttocks of a random old shrew (formerly twitter)?
Well, we don't know.

Maybe they can officially seal the jar but - when there's so much money involved, even someone as honest as I am, for example, would succumb to the pull of obvious temptations to drill a hole somewhere down there, get drunk on the fart scent all weekend to the point of insanity, then resin the jars back up and send them back Monday morning - right?
Well, no idea.

It might also be possible to analyse the contents of the glass using emission spectral analysis to check that the contents are intact and the original fart is present.

At the end of my remarks here, I would like to refer, for example, to the very promising scientific approaches of the Kernforschungsanlage Jülich GmbH from November 1983 (that's where I come from, by the way, no, not from the plant, but from Jülich).

And of course I'm still thinking about it...